Make me stay
by ravencrow neversmile
Summary: Reela. Angst ridden roomie fic.Short and sweet.
1. Kiss And Make Up

Disclaimer: Never did own it, never will. Authors note: Flicks between Neela and Ray quite quickly, not too sure about the pacing. My first ER fic so feedback would be appreciated. 

She'd ignored him for months, so what exactly was she expecting when she knocked on his apartment door at three in the morning.

He looked at her with the remnants of slumber clogging his brain.

"Neela, What are you doing here?" He was confused, and then something else stirred in him. "Are you okay?" a slight note of alarm entering his voice. She was knocking on his door at three A.M after months of ignoring him, something had to be wrong.

"Can I come in?" she asked cautiously, she had been awful to him since she moved out. She half expected the door to be slammed in her face any moment now.

"Sure, sorry" He moved aside awkwardly, letting her past and closing the door after her. He stood a moment watching her pace apprehensively; she looked at the couch as if contemplating sitting then changed her mind, choosing instead to continue pacing.

She suddenly lost her nerve being back here felt too strange. Nothing like the refuge it had once been. She had to remind herself that she didn't live here anymore and that to sit down without being asked was just rude, although she was pretty sure Ray wouldn't notice. Americans weren't so formal with etiquette.

"Neela, what do you want?" it came out harsher than he had meant it to, but he found some part of himself still incensed with her for all the misery he had been feeling since she had dropped out of his life.

He watched her try and hide the sudden stab of pain his careless words had brought her but He knew her too well. He wasn't fooled.

_This was stupid _said the voice in her head. "This is stupid" she said the thought out loud. "I should go," she added hoping to reach the door without adding to the growing humiliation she was now feeling. God why had she come here, this was a bad idea.

"Neela, please…don't go" He said the words he had been too scared to say eight months ago when she had moved out, leaving him standing on the sidewalk staring at her riding out of his life. Something in him told him if he didn't say the words now he would never get the chance again and he wasn't prepared to let her walk out of his life. He moved in between her and the door.

He stood in front of her blocking her escape route but she didn't want to leave anymore. She looked up to meet his eyes. She could see the uncertainty there, so she made it easier for him stepping forward to capture his lips in a gentle and reassuring kiss. She had thought about this so many times, she was sure if it ever happened it would be a disappointment, but nothing had ever felt so right. She moved into him pressing as much of herself against him as physically possible.

He felt her move into the kiss and quickly responded, He pulled her tightly to himself, and she felt so good against him. Everything he had wanted for so long was finally in his arms and it felt so right.

" I love you," He said, the words slipping from him almost unintentionally. He had said the words before when he was younger, sure that the easy phrase would help get him what he wanted but he knew that he wasn't lying to Neela. Being without her had almost been too much to bear.

She suddenly drew back from him her shock evident as she stared into his confused face.

"Don't" She sighed her heart breaking as she saw his suddenly uncertainty. "You don't have to say that, I still want this" She had known he had felt something for her and as she stared deep into his expressive eyes she was sure he thought he meant it, but it would make her choices so much harder to hear it. All she wanted right now was one perfect memory of Ray.

She didn't believe him, and she didn't reciprocate his words. It hurt.

He knew he loved her, He'd had plenty of girls but no one had ever made him feel the way Neela did. He wanted to argue his case but as if sensing his imminent response Neela silenced him with another tender kiss. He lost all thought of stating his case as she deepened the kiss, her need for something more obvious as her hands slipped under his shirt eager to remove all the boundaries between them.

She had wanted him for so long, she had tried to deny it but it overwhelmed her. She hadn't wanted to love him, to make herself venerable to heartbreak but it was beyond her control. She impatiently pulled his shirt over his head desperate to fulfil the secret fantasies that had been playing out in her head for such a long time.

The shirt gone her attention soon shifted to his jeans.

Her fingers moved quickly to his belt, he found himself mildly shocked by her eagerness to get him out of his clothes, Neela was a thinker she was slow and methodical.

"I've wanted this for so long" He admitted his eyes searching deep into hers hoping for a response to his words. He laughed nervously. _'How in hell did she do this too him, he hadn't been nervous about being with a woman since his teens'_

She smiled back sweetly but there was a brief flash of something he couldn't place in her eyes.

"Me too"

He laid a tender kiss on her forehead his anxiousness quelled by her confession. He drew her back into his body, kissing her with passion that had been pent up inside of him since the moment he had realised he was in love with her. He removed her shirt slowly, enjoying the shiver she tried to suppress as his fingers brushed her warm flesh when he eased the fabric off her shoulders.

Her skin felt like it was on fire where his fingers had brushed only seconds before, whatever she had imagined paled in comparison to the way his touch made her feel. She ran her own hands across the bare skin of his back delighting in the feel of muscles and sinews rippling under her ministrations.

He guided her towards where she knew the couch would be, never once breaking the contact between their lips. She undid the button of his pants with surprising ease, but found herself unable to suppress a small giggle as he struggled to step out of them without falling over.

He grinned goofily. "So much for doing this right," He sighed sending her into another fit of uncontrollable giggles.

He looked down at her in mock disapproval "Neela" He sighed, but found himself laughing too.

"I'm sorry Ray" She smiled biting her lip, she wasn't sorry and grin he gave her told her he knew that.

He looked so good stood in front of her grinning in nothing but his boxers. She leaned forward kissing him fervently.

"I'm sorry I waited so long," She added and she was, she had waited way too long for this, her fear robbing her of so much time. Time she would never regain.

Everything about this blew his mind, to the point that he questioned if he was really still asleep, yet another dream of her taunting him with empty promises of love and passion. He pulled gently on her bottom lip captured between his teeth, earning a lustful moan from her. It was all he needed as confirmation of her presence, the urgency in his kisses increasing with the startling revelation that she was here and his, after months of painful longing.

He helped her shed her pants and felt a sudden primal urge take hold of him as he looked down at her dressed in only her black lace underwear. He couldn't help the small involuntary shiver that ran through him. She looked far better than the images he'd had of her in his fantasies and there had been so many of those.

At first she had felt slightly self-conscious at his intense gaze on her near naked form, but the brief shiver of excitement she saw drift over him gave her new confidence. Her eyes burned into his as she deftly removed her bra enjoying the darkening in his eyes as his gaze raked her before gathering her up in his arms again.

His lips crushing against hers insistently, his skin hot against her own as his hands coaxed electricity along her sides, slipping over her hips and down the back of her thighs.

She gasped with passion as he lifted her off her feet, her legs automatically finding their way around his waist. She writhed wantonly against him.

"Oh god Neela" he said but she felt it as a low rumble coming from deep in his chest.

She was grinding against him, making his senses cry out for more. He couldn't stop now if he wanted to, the sweet smell of her shampoo mixing with something that was uniquely Neela driving him insane. He moved towards his room, her legs still wrapped tightly around him.

She shifted against him teasingly making his breath catch in his throat, in all the times he'd pictured this she had always been sweet and innocent. All gentle longing, never the dangerously hot minx that used her body like an expert to urge him to the point of insanity.

He pinned her against the hall wall pushing his hips roughly against her savouring the illicit moan that escaped her passion stung lips.

"Ray I need you now" She arched against him need fully, moaning his name desperately as his lips moved over the swell of her breast.

"Not here" He groaned it took all of his effect to resume his path to his bedroom.


	2. Empty Apartment

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will. **

**Note: Okay it can't be that easy can it? Thanks for all the fantastic reviews. Big hugs RAVEN**

He'd watched her sleep for what seemed like hours, wanting to be there when she woke, wanted to be the first thing she saw, Reassurance that he was hopelessly in love with her. His eyes becoming heavy he rested beside her one arm gently snaking around her tiny waist possessively, She was here with him, she was his and he wasn't going to let her go as easily this time.

She woke in his arms something she had dreamt of many times before, to the point were waking beside Tony some mornings she'd had to remind herself Ray had only been in her dreams and that Tony was the man in her bed. However this time it was Ray, and despite the guilt that twisted in her stomach at betraying Tony she knew her heart had always been Rays.

She glanced at the clock on the nightstand, she really should be leaving but she longed to stay tucked besides Ray listening to his gentle rhythmic breathing.

_God why did this have to be so complicated _in her head had pictured this being easier but slipping out from under his arm with great care not to wake him, she found herself hoping he would wake and make her stay. Tell her things she longed to hear, make her promises he'd be able to keep but she knew it wouldn't work out; she'd never be enough for him.

He woke sometime after nine reaching out to draw Neela back towards him, when he realised she'd gotten up he was a little disappointed but ecstatic that they had finally let each other know how they felt.

He smiled sleepily feeling happier than he remembered feeling since she'd moved out. She was his now and he would do everything in his power to keep her.

He headed to the kitchen expecting to find her trying to piece something together for breakfast, she'd be lucky as far as he could remember there were two beers and some leftover Chinese take out that was well past its best. He stopped dead at the sight of the empty kitchen; maybe she was in the bathroom. He brightened considerable at the thought of joining her under a cascade of hot water. Smirking from ear to ear at the images he was conjuring he quickly strode towards the bathroom, stopping short when he found that empty too. Okay so she'd left the apartment, she must have had a shift early this morning. He wasn't due in until twelve but suddenly the idea of bumping into Neela at work was appealing. He was a little saddened that she hadn't woken him or at least left him a message but maybe she had been running late.

She glanced around 'the apartment' (never her apartment) it looked so cold and soulless, but then it had never really been a home. She hadn't had a home since the first time she had left Ray and their apartment. Abby's place had been comfortable and convenient a place to stay but never home.

She had thought she could be detached about being with him last night that she could have what she had wanted from him and leave, trouble was it had never just been about sex for her. She was in love with him and even though last night had been better than she had ever imagined it could be it would never be enough, instead of a pleasant memory to take with her, she now just had a bitter reminder of what she would be missing out on.

'Hey Abby how's tricks?" Ray grinned broadly as she gave him a perplexed look. He didn't care who knew it he was happy.

"Great now, I'm off in twenty minutes" she sighed, Abby and Luka had been working opposite shifts since she'd returned from maternity leave and the strain showed some days. "Hey Ray you're not on until twelve are you?" Abby added raising an eyebrow in his direction.

"No but I thought I'd come in early, hey you seen Neela?" He couldn't play all calm and collected it was impossible, he felt like a kid. He had mocked some of his friends when they had gone stupid over some girl, missing practices and nights out trying to spend every waking moment with said girls but all he could think about now was every minute they had been apart and how unbearable it was.

Abby looked shocked by his question, he gave her a goofy grin. She would know straight away that they were together now and he didn't care he wanted people to know. She didn't look happy though. It was his turn to be confused he figured if anyone would be happy for them it would be Lockhart.

"She didn't tell you?" Her voice raised in disbelief making his stomach flip manically, his shit-eating grin forgotten.

"What Abby? What didn't she tell me?" He felt sick he'd thought everything between Neela and him had been sorted out. He thought she was his. Sudden pressure in his chest made it hard to breath and looking at Abby was starting to hurt. She grabbed his arm and was pulling him towards the doctors lounge muttering things like 'typical Neela' and 'can't believe her', nothing that was easing his confusion and sense of foreboding.

In the lounge her eyes found his pityingly.

"Ray, Neelas gone" And just like that, his whole world crashed to the ground in flames.


	3. Leaving town

**Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.**

**Authors note:** **thanks Moonlight Enchantments, gsrfan1, friendly girl, dshortklutz and Mooncat100 for the reviews they gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.**

He stared at Lockhart his mouth still open.

"God Ray, I'm sorry you had to hear it from me, she said she would tell you." Abby floundered unable to find the words to make it any better. She tacked some more ' just like her' and 'can't believe it' on the end, her frustration and pity evident.

He had to look at the floor the ever-present sympathy in her eyes and the uncomfortable burning feeling in his own shaming him.

"Where has she gone?" He managed to choke out the words his throat seizing with the effort to control himself.

"She gave me her letter of resignation to give to Dubenko, she said she was going to come over and tell you, Ray she's gone home to England" She sighed heavily.

"She did come over, she" He paused clumsily unsure of how to phrase this " She just didn't tell me she was leaving" He met her knowing eyes, well aware that he was blushing. He'd never found himself bashful about his sex life before but this was different, this wasn't about bragging rights. He had loved, did love Neela and she had left him.

Again.

"Oh" it was pretty much all she could manage, suddenly understanding his eagerness to find her this morning. She looked at her watch.

"Her flight doesn't leave until one, She was pissed that she had to book in two hours before." She offered helpfully a gentle hand placed on his arm.

He knew what she was suggesting and he wanted to go after her but what if she didn't care, what if she still left.

"What if she won't stay," He voiced his fear giving up any pretense that he wasn't hurting.

"Then you'll know" Abby shrugged, she had always been the ER sage. A fount of knowledge and advice to them all, wise beyond her years.

"Keep hold of her resignation and if I'm not back for my shift"

"I'll tell Weaver you were called away" she interrupted as he bolted out the door.

"Thanks Abby" He called already running.

Neela starred into her coffee aimlessly, she was a coward, she should have told Ray, hell even if she had left him a letter. She tried to call him earlier from the cab but chickened out.

She loved him and that was why she had handed in her resignation and booked herself a flight back to London. She couldn't bear the certain heartbreak that losing Ray would ultimately bring.

This was for the best, to lose him now would be hard but to stay and wait for the inevitable day that he would tire of her and move on would devastate her.

She wiped angrily at the silent tears that had leaked unceremoniously down her cheeks.

How had this ever happened to her? Ray was the cocky rock doc that had teased her for giving up and working at the jumbo mart, The inconsiderate roommate that didn't clean up after himself and made too much noise.

He was the hot guy with the smile that could change her day, the kind friend that had known when she was upset and just how to fix it.

The best friend that had offered his support and respected her wishes when she had pushed him away even though she knew it had hurt him.

Ray cursed the traffic and looked at this watch again. The cab had been stuck here for only a few minutes but it seemed like a lifetime to him. He had no idea what he was going to say to her but he knew he had to see her to try and get her to reconsider. It was the cheesy end to more than one of the chick flicks that Neela had made him watch when they had been roomies, but he didn't care.

The mad sprint to stop the woman you love leaving was fine by him because if it didn't work he would be to distraught to be embarrassed by his clichéd plea for her to stay.

Besides it always worked in the movies.

To his relief the cab was finally moving again. He tried to compose his thoughts, to think about what he was going to say when he got there.

He had already told her he loved her, she hadn't responded to that the way he'd imagine that she would. She doubted him and his feelings, he couldn't blame her; He had spent so much time and effort trying to convince himself they weren't real it was no surprise she didn't believe him.

Of course there was the terrifying possibility that she didn't have feelings for him, that he had merely been an itch she needed to scratch before she departed.

He tried to shake the thought from his exhausted brain, she had feelings for him too he was sure of it, he just wasn't sure the depth of those feelings.

She had sat trying to defy the urge to run back to Ray to enjoy whatever time she could get out of him, when her cell phone chirped from its place in her pocket.

She opened it cautiously; every fiber of her being hoping that it was Ray.

The caller ID disappointed her, it was Tony. She considered closing her cell and turning it off but She answered anyway, the only thing Tony had ever done wrong was not be Ray.

"Hello" She greeted guardedly she knew he would have read her Dear John letter by now.

"Neela, where are you? Are you with him?" He sounded resentful.

"No, I'm not" She sighed instantly regretting the note of disappointment apparent in her answer.

"Neela, I thought we had something, Can't we talk about this"

The beseeching tone in his voice did little to ease her guilt at using him.

"I'm sorry Tony" She was sorry, she had never meant to hurt him. She was just looking for some comfort, something to distract her from her inappropriate feelings for Ray.

"He's not good enough for you," He stated flatly hanging up his end.

Of all the things she had ever thought about Ray she had never once considered him unworthy.

**Okay so I haven't made Tony the bad guy 'cos it really isn't his fault he's not Ray.**

**Hope you still enjoyed it.**

Raven 


	4. Scared

**Disclaimer: You know the drill by now.**

**Authors note: Thanks to everyone that reviewed, as I wrote his chapter I still wasn't sure if Neela will stay or go.**

The PA system announced her flight was starting to board and she felt a sense of acceptance, She was leaving; for all her contemplating running back to Ray and spilling her soul out there for him to see or waiting for him to let her know he needed her. It was over she was going home, except it wasn't home anymore was it.

She had come to think of Chicago, as home and she knew London would feel different now, wrong somehow. It would take a long while to reaffirm the English capital as her place in the world but hell time was pretty much all she would have now.

She gathered her stuff resigned to the fact she was going forever, she'd never be able to return here without thinking of the things she had left behind.

He screamed across the highly polished floor of the airport, dodging instinctively through throngs of people. His eyes searching desperately for any sign of her.

_Shit, he couldn't see her anywhere, come on she had to still be here._

His heart pounded in his chest, and he struggled to breath, not from the exertion of his run but from the cold hard fear that flooded through his body.

This was it if he didn't stop her now she would walk out of his life forever. It had been painful enough to keep his distance after Michael's death, and to lose her forever just wasn't worth contemplating.

There.

He saw her; it had to be her, a flash of silky dark hair through a dozen cattle like tourists.

"Neela" He screamed with no regard for his pride, he couldn't lose her now. Several people turned to look at him like he was crazy, screw them didn't they realise how important this was.

"Neela" He called again louder this time, undeterred by the disapproving looks in his direction.

Then he caught it, a glimpse of hope. She'd seen him; she was looking in his direction. It was her. She gaped at him as he ran towards her as hard as he could, nearly barrelling into someone as he skidded to a halt in front of her.

"Don't go" He struggled out trying to catch his breath. "Please" He added desperately, he couldn't bear getting this far to have her turn her back on him and still leave.

Her eyes met his calmly, tears already flowing freely, he knew that look she was going to hurt him again.

She felt the tears streaming unhindered down her face, if only it could be this easy, if only Neela the thinker would turn off her incessantly logical brain and let her heart do the talking.

"I...I can't Ray" The words felt too big, heavy in her chest. His face fell instantly hurt permeating his usually casual features, his tears came quietly unbidden. "I'm scared," She said as if it explained why she had to do his to him; as if it were a good enough reason.

He met her eyes carefully a brief flicker of what looked like anger firing into her gaze.

"You think I'm not scared" He asked incredulously "you think I'm not frightened that you don't feel the same for me as I feel for you, that one day you'll realise that I'm not good enough for you. You think I ever wanted to fall in love with you" His voice was a biting whisper.

She was stunned at the raw emotion oozing from him. He wiped bitterly at the tears that had streaked his cheeks.

"This is what you do when things get hard, you run away" He was right she knew he was right, she had turned away from a career as a doctor to work in the jumbo mart because it had been too hard, because she had been petrified of making a mistake.

She had gone back though she had overcome that fear and become a better person.

He was laying everything on the line here, telling her everything that had been pushed down deep inside. She looked over her shoulder hesitantly and he felt his heart slip, she was going to leave him anyway. His heart and soul poured at her feet and she was still going to go.

"What if it doesn't work Ray?" She asked quietly her voice barely audible.

"We'll never know if you leave now" He heard the words that came from his mouth but they sounded pure Abby.

**Annie Dillard: **

**If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be too cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.**


	5. What if ?

Disclaimer: I own nothing 

**Authors note: Thanks again to fabulous people who review.**

She wanted to stay, Christ she had never wanted to leave him. Not when she'd watched him disappear in the rear view of the cab, not this morning as she lay wrapped in his strong protective arms and now her flight number being called to board for surely the last time.

It hurt her chest to even think about saying goodbye and turning her back on him for what would certainly be the last time.

He had laid himself bare before her; all doubt of the truth in his words of love was gone. Ray Barnett had a lot of pride and he had just stripped it away to stop her leaving, to make her believe he loved her, but would love be enough.

She hadn't moved, she hadn't left him yet, but she hadn't yet said anything to make him believe she would stay. He tried to look for an answer to his question in her eyes, but couldn't read the intense look behind her huge brown eyes as they filled silently with tears.

He was on the verge of begging her to stay with him, to plead for her not to go when she finally spoke.

"I Love you, Ray…. I really do"

"But" He could sense her hesitation. she was searching for the right words to carefully break his heart; He felt the pain and anger at her coming reaction bubbling to the surface.

"What if we end up hating each other?" she sighed suddenly angry at her lack of words to explain herself. She was usually so articulate, this is what he did to her, and he changed her, made her unable to think right.

"What if we don't," He asked simply she could hear the defeat in his voice. He had resigned himself to the fact that she was going.

She felt torn in two, Neela the thinker would get on that plane and protect herself from the possibility of getting hurt, but she had changed since she had been in Chicago, since she had known Ray.

She wasn't the same studious little Neela that had arrived at county so naïve and overwhelmed.

She looked into defeated eyes her chest constricting at the pain she had put there behind them and all she could think about was taking away that pain, she leaned forward on tiptoes and gently kissed him.

He didn't mean to tense when she kissed him but he knew what was coming, it was the goodbye he really couldn't bear to hear. He wrapped his arms around her slight form and tried to make the most of what was sure to be the last time she would be in his embrace. She pulled away too soon staring up at him.

"Come on lets go home" She was smiling weakly tears still staining her cheeks. His breath caught in his throat as he processed the words that had left her lips.

**Really bad at endings, this feels a little abrupt. Please review and let me know what you think cos I have a few more Reela ideas and would appreciate the feedback.**

**Cheers**

**Raven **


	6. A better version of me

**Disclaimer: nada, nothing, zip. Get it, good.**

**Author's note: okay I thought I'd throw a wrap party for moonlight Enchantments for being such a great reviewer. (Not that the rest of you aren't great too, but she has consistently made me smile with her speedy and frequent reviews)  Soz if I'm making you blush.**

Ray sighed sleepily the warm shape of Neela laid close to him, her head resting on his bare chest like it was made for the sole purpose of being her pillow. His arm had gone to sleep about twenty minutes ago, just after he had heard her breathing signal her own contented sleep. He was still reluctant to move, to wake her but the numbness in his arm and tingling in his fingers was demanding a more comfortable position. He deftly pried it out from under her sleeping form, laying her head back on the pillow carefully so as not wake her.

"Too early" She murmured drowsily. He smiled happily to himself, She was beautiful, she was perfect and she was his.

He fully intended to keep her as long as he could hold onto her, as long as it took for her to realise she was too good for him.

"I love you," He whispered kissing her lightly on the top of her head.

Movement and a loss of warmth intruded on her comfortable slumber, His voice reassuring her tenderly as he kissed her lightly.

The simple loving gesture reminding her of the side of Ray that belonged solely to her, the side no one else saw, the Ray that she had nearly given up on having through her own fears.

She opened sleep heavy lids and smiled up at him.

"Morning" She whispered laying a gentle kiss on his full pouting lips.

"Hi" he grinned trapping her in his arms. He pulled her in close drawing her in for a deep passion filled kiss that left her breathless and yearning for more when he stopped.

"Okay that was good but I'm sure you can do better" She joked cheekily earning herself a disapproving shake of his head.

"Is that right? " he laughed lunging at her and pinning her to the mattress. He tickled her knowing that she was dreadfully ticklish. She screamed squirming wildly beneath him.

"Ray stop it" She squealed manically writhing underneath him.

"Not until you concede," He grinned mischievously tickling her even more.

"Never" She choked out gasping in huge lung fulls of air, formulating ways to stop him and take control of the situation. She was much smaller than him unable fight him off and turn the tables. She considered the options left to her, there was no way she would concede to him. His unbearable smugness would be too much.

She was trapped underneath his heavier form, completely at his mercy. He grinned wolfishly revelling in all the ways he could use that to his advantage, when she threw him completely off by attacking him with a well placed kissed, all thoughts of tickling her disappeared as he became absorbed in the sensation of her lips on his. He didn't argue as she rolled him casually onto his back.

'_This could be good too' _

She peppered his face and neck with warm fleeting kisses, straddling his hips with both hands on his chest she looked down at him through expressive brown eyes filled with impish energy.

"Do you concede?" She grinned from ear to ear.

"Never" He pulled her down to him capturing her lips hungrily. This sort of torture he could happily handle.

Her lips locked passionately to his she knew she was right, it didn't matter how long it lasted. Ray was hers and she was his, if only for a short time it would still be better than never having this.

He had changed her inadvertently, remade her into a different Neela, Still strong and fiercely independent but more spontaneous and daring. Ray Barnett had made cautious little Neela a better version of herself.

**And it's a wrap.**




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